Francesca Moresi – Psychotherapy in London and Online

Are you in love with your flaws?

flake of snow

What do you think when you hear the word flaw?

Chances are you associate it with something negative. And, in fact, here are a couple of definitions: according to Cambridge Dictionary, a flaw is “a fault, mistake, or weakness, especially one that happens while something is being planned or made, or that causes something not to be perfect”. As per Collins, “a flaw in someone’s character is an undesirable quality that they have”.

We all have flaws. We all have undesirable qualities. How does it make you feel?

I have decided to speak about this today because it has came up many times in the sessions with my clients lately, whether it was someone’s own flaws, or someone else’s. I noticed that there’s a lack of acceptance and a quick reaction to label the flaws as something bad, something that shouldn’t be there: we still dwell in the limiting belief that people, including us, should be perfect. Guess what, that is impossible and we only complicate the relationship we have with ourselves and others by aiming for perfection. Out of curiosity, I looked up the etymology of the word flaw and I found that it comes for Middle English flake of snow and spark of fire. How beautiful!

The origins of the word, to me, talk about uniqueness.

Our flaws make us the unique human being that we are, how can we possibly not love them? We usually love people for their qualities, but what if we were to love them for their imperfections as well? Bring the focus on you and on your relationships: are you critical with people’s flaw? If you are in a romantic relationship, do you accept and love your partner’s flaws or do you push them to be different? Do you allow yourself to indulge in your guilty pleasures? I would like to dare you to revolutionise the way you look at yourself and others and to madly fall in love with your flaws, and with others’ flaws, too. What are your flaws, can you make a list? Can you think of all the flaws you may love yourself for? And what are the flaws that make the people in your life lovable? I consider myself a recovering perfectionist and, even if the road is bumpy, ultimately I find it so liberating to be in love with the full version of myself and my husband, instead of being in love with a glossy and partial image. When I am able to see the full picture, I am less critical and I can let things flow. I look at myself in the mirror and I smile, as I fully recognise myself.

Speaking of flaws, there’s a video that I would like to share with you, it’s a Ted Talk about Highly Sensitive People. I certainly am one of them and, in the past, I have felt at fault for being extremely sensitive, because our society considers it to be a flaw. I think this video can be helpful for those of you who are – whether you know it or not – HSP (Highly Sensitive People), as well as for those of you who aren’t HSP, but may have some HSP in their lives. I hope this video can help you shift your perspective and go past some potential limiting beliefs, leading you to be more accepting and benevolent with yourself and others.


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