When we think of violence in relationships, we often imagine bruises, shouting, or humiliation. Yet economic violence in relationships— the control of money, denial of autonomy, and subtle reinforcement of dependence—can be just as damaging, though it leaves no visible scars.
The Invisible Chains of Money
Economic violence in relationships can take many forms. Some are overt: forbidding a partner to work, seizing her income, demanding receipts for every expense. Others are subtle: keeping family finances secret, discouraging women from learning about money, or insisting all assets be in one partner’s name.
In the UK today, around 1 in 6 women still does not have a bank account in her own name, and over 20% of divorced women report they were denied access to family finances during their marriage. These numbers remind us how dependence can be enforced not only by culture but by circumstance.
Autonomy vs. Dependence
Money is never just about money. It is about freedom — the ability to walk away, to say “no”, to choose.
And yet, dependence is often romanticised. “He takes care of everything, I don’t have to worry.” At first, it may sound like comfort. But where is the line between support and control? Between being cared for and being silenced?
Autonomy does not mean rejecting interdependence. We all need each other. It means being free to enter into that interdependence by choice, not by necessity or fear.
The Princess Fantasy
On TikTok, the “princess treatment” trend has become popular: women being spoiled, pampered, adorned with gifts, relieved of responsibility. At first glance, it looks like empowerment — a refusal to settle for less.
But here is the paradox: whether gilded in luxury or hidden in modest households, dependence is still dependence. A crown given by someone else can be taken away. Being cherished is wonderful, but when financial power lies entirely in another’s hands, love risks turning into control.
And economic violence in relationships is not confined to glamorous lifestyles. It is just as present in everyday families, where a woman may not know how much money comes in each month, where she cannot make decisions without approval, or where she is made to feel incompetent with finances. These scenarios may lack diamonds and ball gowns, but they reveal the same dynamic: a power imbalance disguised as care.
Choosing Empowerment
Reclaiming economic independence is not only practical — it is deeply psychological. It shifts the inner narrative from “I am safe because I depend” to “I am free because I choose.”
- Financial literacy offers resilience: the ability to plan, save, and decide.
- Visibility offers dignity: knowing what resources exist and having a say in them.
- Shared responsibility offers equality: a relationship where both voices count.
This is not about rejecting love or care — far from it. It is about making space for relationships where being cherished does not come at the cost of being free.
Art: Mary Cassatt, The Reader (1877)
Cassatt paints a woman absorbed in her book, a quiet act of autonomy. Reading here is more than leisure — it is self-possession, a reminder that independence often begins in the inner life, in the refusal to be entirely defined by others.
Music: “Independent Women, Pt. 1” by Destiny’s Child
This week’s choice is playful: a pop anthem with purpose, celebrating autonomy in love. Sometimes you need a beat to remind you that you got it .
✨ A Question to Reflect On:
Do I confuse generosity with control?
And what would genuine freedom — in money, in love, in life — look like for me?
Closing thought:
A princess may glitter, but a woman who owns her life shines brighter. Autonomy and intimacy are not enemies — when freedom is part of the love story, both can thrive.
